First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
