i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
