Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
