Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
