**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
