OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
