I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am one with the molecules
Sext me about skeletons
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
