I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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