i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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