dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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