yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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