Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
