Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
