nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
