I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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