can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
