I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
