I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
