I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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