Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
