Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
