i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
