did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
