Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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