took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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