I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize