he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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