She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
