he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
