Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
