is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
