I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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