My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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