If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize