I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
