This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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