dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
