"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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