is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
