but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
