According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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