wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
