Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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