I like my sex mixed with concussions.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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