So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize