i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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