Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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