I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize