How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
