took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize