If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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