she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I believe in your delicious
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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