it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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