I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
