meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
