And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
