You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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