Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
