and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
