At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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