'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
