Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
