that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
