You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
