the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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