Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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