apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
