areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
