i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize