we're blogging at a bar
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
