remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
