just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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