A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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