Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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