I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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