if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
