I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
