I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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