Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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