i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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