Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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