Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
