**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have fence marks all over my body
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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