Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
