Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
