If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
