Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
