I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
