Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
