garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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