he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize