shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
