One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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