The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
