Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
