so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
