If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
