We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
