No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize