Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
