on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
