I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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