I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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