grandma shit on top of the toilet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i can't believe i had my finger in that
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
