NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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