i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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