i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
