I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
