I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
