i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
